This Can't Be
by asinnersbloodx
Summary: This one shot is pretty much just Rachel's reaction to Finn's death. I've been wanting to write this ever since The Quarterback episode so here it is! Kurt and Santana are in this as well but the main focus is Rachel and her reaction. It will obviously be upsetting so read at your own risk. Disclaimer: The only thing that belongs to me is the writing. The characters do not.


"I'm calling a movie night." Rachel announced, a rather large bowl of popcorn in one hand and a water bottle in the other. She set the items down on the table before walking over to the shelf behind the couch and picking out a Disney movie for them to watch. "We're gunna sit here and watch movies until we fall asleep. No cell phones, no laptops, no nothing. Got it?"

"Why are we doing this?" Santana asked even though she had already sat down with her girlfriend pillow wrapped around her and her hand in the bowl of popcorn.

"Because! We've all been so busy and this is the first time all three of us have been home at the same time. I miss you guys." Rachel smiled softly at Santana before looking over at Kurt who was entering the living room with his boyfriend pillow as well. "Ugh. Those things still give me the creeps." She shivered involuntarily as she popped the movie into the DVD player before sitting down in between her friends.

Only a couple of previews had been shown when Rachel's phone went off. She was tempted to get up and get it but the moment she tried, both Santana and Kurt grabbed her arm and shook their heads. "What happened to no interruptions? Your rule, not ours." Rachel pouted for only a second before her attention was captured by the previews again.

"What movie did you put in anyway?" Santana asked. She turned her attention towards Rachel as she waited for a reply.

"Beauty and The Beast," was her excited reply. Santana raised an eyebrow but smiled to herself. Though she'd never actually admit it out loud, Disney movies were her favorite.

Just five minutes passed when another phone started to ring again, this time Kurt's. Rachel furrowed her eyebrows in concern as she looked over at her male best friend. He was too entranced by the television to hear his phone. Why did both of their phone's ring in the span of ten minutes? It's just a coincidence, she thought to herself. Nothing's wrong, no one's hurt. Just calm down. She took a deep breath and turned her attention back to the movie.

It wasn't until Kurt's phone stopped ringing, only to continue a minute later that she became extremely worried. She huffed, stood up from the couch and looked down at him and Santana. "I'm answering this call whether you like it or not." Kurt shot her one of his famous bitch glares while Santana just rolled her eyes. She shrugged them off and hurried over to Kurt's phone, which was laying on the kitchen counter.

Kurt's screen read Carole as she picked it up. Thumb on the answer button, Rachel quickly found her phone as well and noticed she had a missed call and a text from Burt. More worried than ever, Rachel finally answered the phone and brought it to her ear.

"Hello?" She asked, her voice small and slightly unsteady. The only thing she heard for a while was the sound of someone trying to catch their breath.

"Rachel? Is— Is this Rachel?" Came Carole's broken voice on the other line. A choked sob left the woman's lips a moment later.

"Yes, this is her. What's wrong?" Rachel was panicking now. She knew that whatever news Carole was about to give her would be as far from good as possible.

"Finn— It's Finn. He… He died. Rachel, Finn's dead."

Rachel sucked in a deep breath, both hers and Kurt's phone falling from her hands and to the ground.

"Rachel, that was my phone!" She could vaguely hear Kurt's voice behind her but the words 'Finn's dead' kept ringing in her ears. Rachel reached out for something to hold onto but ended up falling next to the phones, her legs giving out from underneath her. "Rachel?"

"Rachel!" Santana got up, her girlfriend pillow forgotten as she ran over to her. "Hey— Hey, look at me, Rachel. Breathe."

Rachel tried to. She really did try to get her breathing under control but ended up hyperventilating even more. With her rapid breathing came the overflow of tears and the mumbles of words that not even she could make out. She felt arms wrap around her waist gently and assumed it was Kurt. Santana was in front of her so he was the only other person it could be.

"Try singing something? Maybe it'll calm her down." Santana stated. Her voice was void of any emotion but her facial expression gave her away. She was as worried as Kurt was. He nodded, picking his brain for a song that might help calm her. He cleared his throat, rested his chin on her shoulder and began to sing.

_I'm limited,_

_Just look at me,_

_I'm limited and just look at you,_

_You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda,_

_So now it's up to you, for both of us,_

_Now it's up, to you…_

Santana smiled sadly as Rachel's breathing calmed down. She grabbed her hand and squeezed it, letting her know that she wasn't alone. She had Santana and Kurt and as long as they were alive, she would never be alone.

_I've heard it said,_

_That people come into our lives for a reason,_

_Bringing something we must learn,_

_And we are led, to those who help us most grow,_

_If we let them, and we help them in return,_

_Well I don't know if I believe that's true,_

_But I know I'm who I am today because I knew you._

Kurt let his voice fade after noticing Rachel was calm enough to breathe correctly although she was still sobbing in his arms. He frowned, glancing over at Santana who was now on the phone with whoever Rachel had been talking to earlier, at least he thought that's who it was.

"Rachel…" Kurt shifted the two of them so they were facing each other and brought his hands up to her cheeks. "Rachel, can you tell me what's wrong? What happened?" He asked, not even sure if he wanted to know the answer.

"It's Finn." Rachel replied, her voice small and barely audible. She looked up at Kurt, her eyes filled with tears just waiting to fall and the most heart wrenching look on her face. "He's— he's dead. Kurt, Finn's dead."

Kurt choked on air at her words. He glanced up at Santana who had a hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes. The Latina only nodded as she hung up the phone, confirming what Rachel had just said. He closed his eyes and took in a shaky breath, his hold on Rachel tightening. The small girl sobbed even more in his arms as she laid her head on his chest.

They stayed like that for a while— Santana silently crying as Kurt and Rachel cried in each others arms. The only thing you could hear in their loft was the sound of sniffing, gasps for air and the quiet sound of the DVD they had abandoned earlier. After what felt like hours, Rachel finally spoke up.

"How did this happen? I don't— I don't understand! How could this happen?" Her voice cracked as she spoke but she continued anyway. "I just wanna see him one more time. Just one more time! Is that too much to ask?" By now, Rachel was sobbing even more than she had been before. "I just want one more chance to tell him I love him."

Rachel curled in on herself as her sobbing died down. After a while, she was just crying silently in Kurt's arms. When her tears finally stopped, she wrapped one of her arms around Kurt and squeezed Santana's hand tightly. It was her way of saying thank you and I'm here for you without actually saying it out loud. The two of them would need comfort just as much as she would so now was not the time to be selfish.

"Kurt, you should— you should call your dad." Rachel spoke softly. "He was the one that called me earlier." She felt him nod against her before releasing her from his hold. Santana stood up too, mumbling something about calling Brittany before making her way into the living room again.

Rachel stood up on shaky legs, took a deep breath and went into her room. She looked over at her dresser where a framed picture of her and Finn sat. It was from the wedding reception for Will and Emma and they were on stage, holding hands and singing. Rachel let out a choked sob before grabbing the picture and laying down. She held the picture to her chest and cried.

She cried for the moments they shared. For the times they argued and the times they made love. She cried for the first and the last time she saw him. She cried for songs they sang together and the kisses they shared. She cried for the love they had for each other. She cried for Finn. Her **best friend**. Her _then boyfriend_. Her _**soul mate**_.


End file.
